Keeping my so-called ‘identity’




It’s been a while since my last post (a blogger crying) because of hundreds of reasons, if not thousands.

This is not the first time I think about my own identity. However, the more I think about it, the more fascinated I am to see how we often do things that we think we should do. The ultimate reason for me to write this post is because I am traveling real son (taa haa, jealous!) To be able to go on this trip is not easy at all. In fact, I have lost a bit of my credibility or reputation or whatever due to my thirst of travel over other commitments and responsibilities.

I am doing my PhD. I had some ups and downs moments like everyone else. I was very confident about my topic to the point that I don’t realise its contribution isn’t substantial (enough). The feedback that I received was somewhat like a slap to my face to wake me up. I was disappointed at myself. I thought I’m so stupid and not smart enough to complete my PhD. Then again, I realise that it’s the process of getting a PhD meant to transform me to a new person, tougher, bitter, more critical, stronger, thicker-skin, and put all the shame aside. I know that I shouldn’t take all feedback to personal because the critiques focus on my work, not myself as a person. I need to have a hunger for knowledge.


I am a traveler. I label myself as a traveler because I was amazed by places that I’ve been and things that I’ve seen. I have an unwritten rules for myself to travel at least once or twice a year. I will be very unhappy if I can’t make it. However, going on trips may get my research and study at risks. Traveling will satisfy myself mentally, but at the same time, it requires me to compromise my work commitments and other people who get involved will not be happy about this.

I am a student. Instant noodle is my friend. I should not think about traveling or any things that could be labeled as ‘luxury’. I don’t mind being cheap, tight-ass and trying not to spend too much. I think of different ways to save few bucks. I think very hard to decide among options that can save money (i.e., what meals to eat for dinner, should I have coffee in the morning, etc.).

I am a tutor. I am lucky enough to have some teaching experiences and I love teaching, especially when I have students who are keen and eager to learn. I am willing to spend more time for them in my consultation time or answering emails or giving detailed feedback for their assignments. However, this will also put my study and personal time at risks as the process of marking papers can become frustrating sometimes.

I am a photographer, I am Asian, I am (a bit) fat, I am this, I am that… It is hard to put a label on everything but we do that all the time to justify our action, don’t we? Should I enjoy my trip to the most because I’m a traveler? Should I study while traveling because I have to fulfil my study commitments? It’s a hard question when the plane is taking off in few hours… Wait, I need to get back to my study now (Geezzzz)



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